Last week was the culmination of a lot of a whirlwind of the last month and a half (which was why there wasn’t an update, sorry about that!), and it’s left me in a weird place lately, trying to process everything that’s happened this year.

The other day I was flipping through some old notebooks and found two things of note: an old worksheet from the aforementioned college course (I think it was about postmodernism too, coincidentally enough), and a steno pad from last year, within which was scribbled drafts of a cover letter for a position I poured my heart and soul into (It didn’t happen, clearly.)

Despite having such incredible opportunities this year, the fact that I still feel like I don’t know the trajectory of anything frustrates me. In one sphere, I’m doing things I never would’ve dreamed of. In the other, I can’t seem to gain any ground, or even make a lateral move that might lead to the next stepping stone. I don’t know what that “dream job” looks like anymore.

I remember embracing that philosophy that postmodernism preaches back then, but maybe it was only surface level. Trying to unlearn the need for concrete answers takes time, and will probably take my whole life. Slowly, slowly.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for sticking around when things get weird.